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1. Stand absolutely still with your eyes closed, holding an egg cup out in front of you. When the egg cup is so full of rain you start to feeling it spilling over your fingers you can open your eyes and move on. Repeat with saucepan.

2. 10 people form a canopy out of umbrellas in a park, under which they might tell stories or perform great feats of endurance. They are joined by more and more people until the whole park is nothing but a giant cloth of umbrellas and the grass is no longer getting wet.

3. One person stands in the middle of the road screaming “Is it raining, I hadn’t noticed” over and over and over again until the words and even the gesture itself have lost all meaning.

4. Steam.

5. Before heading outside office workers in thin white shirts write intimate and but really quite boring confessions on their chests in large letters with a black permanent marker.

6. A  failed attempt to light a series of candles.

7. A broken iphone.

8. A flood warning.

9. The homeless.

10. A participatory performance consisting entirely of rolled eyes and feigned sighs conducted by whoever happens to gather in the doorway of a Burger King.

11. Salt sculptures.

12. A sound piece in which you walk through the rain listening on noise-excluding headphones to a field recording of a bright, clear summer’s day. Birdsong, children playing, the clink of outside glasses, the faint buzzing of a wasp etc.

13. A running race across London Bridge involving 10 people, each covered head to foot in a different gaudy shade of water-soluble children’s paint.

14. A piece for two people in a car.

15. Gene Kelly’s famous dance performed by all the drunk’s of the city in unison.

16. The rain on a glass roof. Initially amusing, then growing increasingly loud to the point where people panic.

17. Battleships.



  1. More rain:

  2. love one and two in particular

  3. Cool, My sandwich inspires me to 17 Cheese events..

    1. transport a pre-bitten cheese piece around for 17 years until you find the matching dentures

    2. Construct the yellow brick road entirely from parmesan rinds

    3. Subdue the laughing cow

    3. realise that the ‘Kraft’ from the cheese slice is actually German for ‘power’

    4. Go to the Camden People’s theatre. Head round the back. There you will find a pub called the Bree Louise.

    5. A cheddar moth flies into a candle

    6. Nightmares

    7. Mozzarella as huge white blood cells

    8. Cheese is not as romantic as rain

    Ooops, got to go. x

  4. Made even more poetic by the google ad at the bottom, which on the occasion of my visit reads “UK UMBRELLA COMPANY”
    Anyway they’re lovely. Thank you.

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